Sunday, 27 March 2016

Selling yourself, a life of hyperbole

I went to a Function a few days ago. I went to another one today. I am not really a Function person but once in a while I go just to reconfirm my non-functionality. I should be a Function person because that is where you sell yourself and what you're doing; you make money and become Somebody. (My last function was on the opening of the Ted Baker store in Vancouver, here and here.)

Mega-huge vintage palazzo pants, chartreuse blouse, stretch leather booties. I had to disinfect my soles before crawling around on the blanket. I'll take photos here again; I love the lighting and it's easier than going to the concrete box.
Technically, it was a media preview event, heavy on the networking. "Hi, I'm blah blah, I do blah blah, here's my card, laugh laugh, wine sip sip – next!" Why not just put me on the Down escalator and tell me to walk Up? I'm exhausted just writing this. I had a few crappy self-printed cards in my bag with my blog name on it, scattered somewhere under my plastic-bagged running shoes in case of a persnickety toe emergency on the walk home, rattling Tic Tacs, and prehistoric tampons kept in an old business card case, which thankfully I didn't mistakenly whip out and shove in someone's face. 

What I wore to the Nordstrom meet-and-greet for Caroline Issa, international street style star, proprietor of the magazine Tank, and fashion designer in a collaboration with Nordstrom. My friend Sue joined me. Excellent nibblers! After the event Su and I shopped around for more inspiration. 
I usually skulk about the periphery of such things and hoover hover over the buffet, but if I'm caught in the network ritual, I say. "Oh, me? I have a blog, it's quite decrepit really, a street style blog, on its last legs, hahaha – which I updated last week by the way, for the first time in seven months – and a personal style blog where I, you know, post awkward outfit photos and laugh a lot. Let me give you my card" - fumble, fumble, spill, oof, gasp...


But then, out of nowhere, when my glass was empty, like a scene from a fairy-dusted Disney movie, I changed my script: "My blog is where I have fun with and make fun of fashion." What?! Such coherence! Clearly I was possessed or drunk. The glazed faces across from me couldn't see the touchdown dance in my head; they were still waiting for the main play: they wanted to know how I make money from this and how they can get some. Without that, I could just as easily have said I enjoy cleaning my oven in my free time.

You may recall this as the tartan jacket I upcycled from a vintage blazer, here. I didn't wear a coat over it but bundled instead with this cozy scarf. Double socks there with the shoes. For the cold? Weeell, yes, but also because the toes are worn, cloth and flesh. Heh.
What I should say is:
  • I am the publisher and editor of a globally successful fashion magazine for 40+ women (VOGOFF has had tens of thousands of viewers. True. Heh.); 
  • I am a freelance stylist. My latest runway show was for a fundraising gala attended by David Suzuki and other local celebrities at a posh downtown club (guest stylist for thrift boutique My Sister's Closet); 
  • I am a clothing designer (okay, a mender and upcycler, although I had a clothing design company for two years a lifetime ago); 
  • My artwork is in private and corporate collections and embassies worldwide (weeeell, technically yeeees, and at one embassy); 
  • I currently specialize in styling 40+ women by appointment and editorial photo shoots (I blog, don't I? And take photos of my friends in wigs);
  • Oh, and I am writing a novel, but then who isn't, hahaha (and roll my eyes drolly). 
Pleased to meet you.


I'd then convey a handshake through my facial expressions - mutual body contact, even a fist bump, while holding running shoes, wine, and canapés, would be ludicrous. I'd ask them to pluck a business card from my preloaded hair as the least encumbered and most accessible part of my body. 

"Multi-tasking," I'll say, and wink, "I'm a master of that as well." Even this minimal one-sided body contact would establish professional intimacy. (No doubt if I used that spiel, I'd ask them to pluck a card from my ass if I weren't wearing pants.)


It's a life of hyperbole. I'm worth 10 billion, 2 billion, 5 billion. What day is it? That's what I'm worth. I'm not good at it, not in real life, just here, although in comparison here sometimes feels a whole lot more real. I would feel like a fraud saying all those things - I'm not sure why given that I've met enough designers about 25 years old who have been working professionally for the past 15 years and "best-selling" authors who have sold self-published genealogies to family members. The motto these days seems to be, Let's PUMP IT UP!!! Gaaa!

It's enough at the moment that I have work-work (which is what's kept me from commenting anywhere this past week). So much for schmooze, booze, snooze - although at least it has gotten me out of the house. And I'm happy to say that I met some brilliant people at these latest events as well. Maybe someday I'll get the hang of being functional. Are you good at schmoozing?
True story: One time when a professional-looking man sitting next to me at a coffee shop asked me what I do, I said, "I'm a motivational speaker with no audience." Turns out he was a for-real, honest-to-goodness motivational speaker. Hahaha!!
And guess what?! Last week I had so much fun with...


Yes, Sheila of Ephemera and her husband L. They were in town to celebrate their 19th wedding anniversary. I love getting together with them! - especially for macaroni with bacon at Acme Cafe. I always feel privileged to be part of their weekend. Sheila did a stellar post on our get together and their trip here. And thanks to them I updated my street style blog. You can see the post here.

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The events I attended were a media preview for Vancouver's Eco Fashion Week, which I support (there are a few photos with me on their Facebook page) and the Caroline Issa/Nordstrom meet-and-greet today. I may post about these on my street style blog. Great food at both functions, by the way. Heh. I wore my pyjama top and tie outfit from my previous post to the Eco Fashion Week function.

I'm still running to catch up - and failing miserably!!

I'll be linking up with:
Patti at Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style and
Catherine at #iwillwearwhatilike at Not Dressed at Lamb.

See you there, maybe, if I can swing myself out of this horrible running-behind feeling.


76 comments:

  1. Still chuckling at the thought of you handing over a tampon filled business card case. I'm no good at scmoozing, but great at hoovering over the buffet :)

    I love the upcycled jacket ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'm glad that didn't happen. I didn't even realize what was in the case until I got home. You can imagine the relief. Usually I don't escape so easily.
      Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  2. Oh, networking, it's so awful. I'm terrible at these sorts of things. Recently I attended a work event and had several people approach me, and I kept racking my brain trying to remember who the hell they were and where do I know them from... In my defence, I'm a freelancer, and if I can't even (be bothered to) learn my students' names, how can I be expected to remember colleques I've met once? I think networking is a skill, and if you want to do it well you have to take it seriously. But it's soooo pretentious, and you have to fight the little voice in your head that just wants to make fun of it all...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. A friend of mine also at the event said the same thing - you have to take it seriously to do it well. We share the same voice I think. They could probably do some very funny duets together. Hahaha.
      Thanks for commenting, Tiina.

      Delete
  3. Melanie...if you can't blow your own trumpet, then I have to join you!!
    We could start the worst brass band..ever.
    Why do we (as women) feel almost apologetic and generally a bit self-deprecating in public situations?
    Your list of "What I should say"s are amazing!
    You should be the loudest horn in the room..toot TOOT!
    XXX
    Samantha
    P.S Those wide legged trousers...sigh, loving!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trumpets? I think we need bagpipes to be heard sufficiently. And you are in the right place to score us some deals on them. Heh. Why? WHY? Why are we so self-deprecating? I want to be like baby bear, juuust right.
      Thanks for stopping by, Samantha.

      Delete
  4. Why does it all have to be about the almighty dollar? Why couldn't you be doing it simply to pass wisdom on to the wisdomless, inspiration to the inspirationless, style to the styleless? For the love of it. Bills be damned!. On the other hand, why can't we be paid to do what we do without having to snooze. In a sort of communist equality system - you do brain surgery, I'll do styling, posing and write a book (one day) and we both get a weeks worth of food stamps and some state run electricity. But no, capitalism has to make it all competitive, and consumer driven. I say goo on you for even showing up. Although the food would be a good draw card. When I was a travel agent, industry nights were my pantry! Love your jacket. It's simply inspired!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Bills be damned; bring on the Harrys. (Sorry, tired, google-eyed.) I know! Why about money all the time? That equality system sounds ideal although I wouldn't want some slacker getting the same number of food stamps as I do working myself to the bone as an imagination professional. Bwahaha!
      Thank you for your support. Yesh. I shall try again and conquer (the buffet)!

      Delete
  5. That should have been 'without having to smooze'. Bloody auto-correct. Nothing happens without snoozing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh gods, I feel exactly the same about "networking" - the word itself gives me unspeakable physical ailments. I am the Queen of England, I am going to say next time, the inventor of wine, and BFFs with Benedict Cumberbatch. Then I shall pull a card out of my wherever. You look brilliant and gorgeous - love those black trousers. Rock on with your crazy-good self, xox

    Patti
    http://notdeadyetstyle.com

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    Replies
    1. I watched Benedict Cumberbatch last night, not all stalkerish but online, and thought of your friendship with him.
      Can't they please just change that friggin' word, networking? Even the food chain now is a web. Any thoughts on what it should be? Anyone? Funny Bone? I'm going out to funny bone, honey. Hmm, no. Ideas?
      I'm tired. Thanks for commenting, Patti. I have to link to you.

      Delete
  7. Well, you look good, do da do da do. I donno, you showed up. That's more than enough. Talking spoils things. yeah.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Not sure if the do da do da do is for the Camptown Races, but you can be sure that if you bet your money on this bob-tail nag, you will win. See how tired I am? Yes, talking spoils things, writing spoils things. Hahaha. Eating is the ticket.
      Thanks for commenting, Pao!

      Delete
  8. Oh Mel Mel, my little Melly Mel Mel. You are worth so much more than 10 billion!!! And you are so kind to pass out free tampons. Those things are expensive! I know how difficult this self-promotion thing is. I was a PR exec for years (yeah. I actually had a "real" job once upon a time) I could promote the oatmeal out of anyone else as I stood invisibly in the background unable to even negotiate a minimal raise for myself. You are The Style Star who inspired me to step in front of my camera! Nobody does it as well as you do. When people ask me what I do for a living I say that I am a desert chef at a sushi bar. Because...wouldn't that be a fun job??

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I mean Dessert chef!! A desert chef is NOT so fun. The sand gets in your teeth.

      Delete
    2. I know expensive!! Just when I don't need them they cut the government tax - they used to be taxed as LUXURY items. Don't get me started - I had some great ideas for protest campaigns, now unnecessary, they should thank their lucky stars.

      You were a PR exec?! Ultra coolness. But yeah, we suffer, we suffer, we suffer in silence, as Yente said in Fiddler on the Roof. Should I tell Samantha to get an extra set of bagpipes so you can be heard in hindsight?

      Dessert chef, hahaha!! Squid eggs in meringue? Octopus legs in butterscotch? What would you make?! Yes, that would be a fun job.

      Delete
  9. :)) funny post.
    Sorry, I don't know enough english words to say what I want.bah
    You look great. I love your upcycled Karo Blazer. Look like V.Westwood.
    Have a good time, Tina

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    1. I looove Ms. Westwood. She is a wild woman and a creative genius, so thank you for that amazing compliment. I would love to ride a bicycle like her too and I wish I had some of her shoes...
      Thank you for your comment, Tina.

      Delete
  10. I LOL'ed all the way through your post (pre-loaded hair!), so that's another thing you can tell people you do - you're a humor writer (and performer on YouTube). You have so many talents, from upcycling pink rubber gloves to undermining the confidence of motivational speakers. And you do it all with huge dollops of pizzazz and deafening swishes of palazzo pants!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Halt, she screamed, halt!, as she reached for her hair, a mad gleam in her eye. It could become a thing. Just don't pat down my hair at the airport. (Okay, kidding airport people, kidding.)
      Thanks, Val. I love hearing from you!

      Delete
  11. i´m giga uber mega bad at funktions!!!
    i made lots of beautiful clothes until 2010 - but was mostly unable to sell them or even get some fame from.... in the last years - when out and about with the love man i used to say: "housewife" - " so you have children?" - "no."....... S.H.O.C.K.!!!!!
    but the love man was not amused :-(
    i´m totally fed up with all that spiel (haha - german!) i´m taking care of my life and my garden and watching the trains - much more fulfilling.
    tons of hugs!!! xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
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    1. p.s.: looove the palazzo-pants/chartreuse blouse ensemble!!!! <3 <3 <3

      Delete
    2. Giga uber mega bad!!?? Yesss! We speak the same language!
      Why? Why? - You should have had fame and fortune from your creative mind. But at least we get to share in it with your blog. Mwah! Thanks for commenting, Beate.

      Delete
  12. I just looked at the Facebook photos (and added your name in a comment on a photo of you with three other women). Everyone else looked so similar - black clothes, long boring hair, cool in a predictable way - except you, a vision in ivory and PJs.

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    1. Hurrah, Val!! I saw it, you put my name up there. My little "Mel" name was squished in between all that important writing, and then, bam, you saved me from ignominy. Many thanks!

      Delete
  13. "A Motivational Speaker without an audience" is a brilliant response! You are all of the things you listed - just because you didn't get paid for them doesn't mean they didn't require an enormous amount of creativity, time and energy.

    I know what you mean about "Functions" though. I used to go to more of them, and was quite good at promoting my blog (I've had business cards for it for years) but I seem to have lost the motivation to keep it up. If I'm in another city I will still take a pile of cards to hand out if I'm at a vintage show, etc.

    The chartreuse blouse, palazzo pants and big dot earrings are probably one of my top ten fave outfits of yours, and you know how much I love your punkified tartan jacket.

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    1. That's the thing, can you say you do something even if when you did it before you didn't get paid for it? Does a tree make sound in the woods? Pffft. Somehow these thoughts are connected. I do therefore I am? I need to take a nap. If I charge double for volunteering I'm still broke. Okay, I REALLY need to take a nap. Heh.

      Sorry to make you read this...
      Thanks, Shelley, for your comment. You are rockin' it FCFashionista!

      Delete
  14. Melanie, we all know that you've got so much more going for you than these monchrome dullards who populate these functions. You must keep attending them, however, just so that you can keep us all informed as to what happens within the inner sanctum. The notion of a breakfast function that omits to actually give you breakfast - surely you can have them up for misrepresentation? Am more than a bit envious of your tartan jacket :(
    Anna
    Anna's Island Style

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oooh, you mean I have permission to be a spy? Well, that just puts a whole 'nother spin on it, doesn't it? Hmm. I'm liking that. What else can I hide in my hair? To be fair, probably Ted Baker had some nibblers if I stayed the whole almightily-dull couple of hours, although I'd rather have eaten a cockroach than hang around there. Pancakes, syrup - that's breakfast! If you had come with me at least we could have entertained each other.
      Thanks for your comment, Anna, and you new spin on how I can approach future Functions.

      Delete
  15. Melanie, you look fantastic! In this post, I can totally see the having fun with fashion, but not so much the making fun of fashion, LOL. You just look too good!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. No, NO, NOOO! No Fashion! Okay, just a bit to keep life amazingly bizarre. But I hope I'm not wearing anything on trend. Well, if I am it's strictly unintentional. Oh, I'm wearing my unisuspender on the pants because the high waist keeps slipping down. I must make MORE fun of fashion. Snort. (oops, typed snot by mistake, which was definitely an error) Oh, to sleep, perchance to dream.
      Thanks, Sue, for visiting. Always love it.

      Delete
    2. lately i saw on a "advise blog" that pajama-style is on trend this spring..... uuuupppssss ;-)
      hugs! xxxx

      Delete
  16. LOVED this post!

    How did you get inside my head?

    I thought I was the only one rummaging around in the bottom of my purse trying to find my business cards and pulling out an old panty liner or crumpled shopping list. What I need to figure out is how to print my info on the back of the panty liner. Then I KNOW I'll always have a business card handy and also it will never go to waste. Even guys can use them. Tell them the next time they spill their beer just pull out my business card and dab away. I need to go on Dragon's Den with this idea. Will you come and help me pitch it? I need you to demonstrate how to pull them out of your hair and or "other areas". I think Kevin O'Leary will love that.

    Seriously though, you do need to sell yourself. We are our own worst enemies.

    I think your line about making fun of and having fun with are perfect. That needs to be on your panty liner card STAT.

    Also I have to say I'm going to save the idea of motivational speaker without and audience. I bet that guy reused that.

    Those pant legs look so roomy I bet you could have 3 other people in there with you. Handy!!!

    You are one-of-a-kind lady! You always inspire me.

    bisous
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That would be awesome to see you and Melanie on Dragon's Den together!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    2. Suzanne, I think you're onto something here. Something real, something I can sink my teeth into, eeew, no, not the liners, but a mega bajillion money machine. Not just as business cards but as a total ID solution, no more other ID cards. They would be ID LINERS. Pulled over for a traffic violation, want to see my ID? Okay, I'm so tired I'm laughing after that last sentence. But seriously, we can make a modified version for men, like a little bag. See how they like it!!!?? (I always get feisty when I'm tired too.)

      Oh, wait, hold everything!! It just occurred to me that you don't mean that we should actually be WEARING the pantiliner but should just be carrying them in our purses, hair, etc. (Time out from typing because I'm LMAO!!! O is wondering what I'm doing.) Seriously, my idea is more cutting edge, don't you think. I would LOOOOOVE to freak out O'Leary, to see the colour draining from his face and then watch it ignite. Oooh, yea.

      You know that motivational speaker line, while I was on my way to coffee I was in fact thinking, what would I say to someone today if they asked me what I do. I swear, that was the first thing that popped into my head. What are the odds? And why?

      You inspire me back, lady!! (Dare I go back to work now?)

      Delete
    3. Hahahahahaha! No..hopefully you don't pull out a used pantyliner. Not only O'Leary would faint.

      Delete
  17. Just put on your Miz Bagg persona. You'll scare the s&*% out of them.

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    1. I try, I try, but she's off somewhere getting work done. That biatch! She promised I could be her plus one at the clinic. Give my regards to Enid, poor thing. Hahaha! Love your new fake journal, Anne!!
      Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  18. Whoo hooo!
    You're brave - "Functions" make me head for the hills!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. Functions are for math. I suck at math. Which is a pity. I'm in training though. I might try another Function in April. Am I losing my mind?
      Thanks for commenting, Carol!

      Delete
  19. If you can stand it keep attending the functions , your reports on them from your perspective is so damn entertaining. Be you , far more talented than most at these sort of things and so much more interesting, no job description needed.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. In fact, this function was less fearsome than normal because I knew a couple of women there whom I could run to for comfort. Hahaha! They seemed to know everyone. Best of all, except for the food, the organizer was a woman of fierce passion and dedication to Eco Fashion Week. Love that!
      Thanks for your comment, Jill.

      Delete
  20. I had to inform Ron on what you wrote today. So funny. He is disfunctional too, so he understands completely when you say "I go just to reconfirm my non-functionality" haha. The fact is true that people at these functions are only interested in what you do because of the opportunity they might profit from you. And sometimes, just sometimes you meet somebody genuine, somebody you can relate to. I am good at schmoozing. Had to do it for work a lot. I can talk to anybody, anywhere at any time. Whether I have something to say? Not really. They are not interested in truths at functions anyway, so that doesn't matter.
    Your outfits will have created jealousy I am sure. You dressed the part my dear.
    You know I actually believe you when you say that VOGOFF has had tens of thousands viewers. It is a brilliant concept, very well executed.
    My dear, I am over to Sheila to see your get-together.
    Greetje

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Exactly - if you can profit from each other it's great. I didn't really expect it at a media event for Eco Fashion Week. See? I know nothing about these things. If I were serious about selling something, that would also make a difference. I did meet two amazing young women, wedding dress designers. They gave me hope for the future.
      I can see how you could relate to anyone, and give them positive energy on the way. What a gift, Greetje!! Yes, VOGOFF has had great success but doing from a satirical perspective makes it feel less serious, know what I mean?
      Thanks always for your comments, Greetje.

      Delete
    2. Darling, it is the satirical perspective, along with the honesty, the truth, sincerity, integrity... all these words meaning the same, which lead to the success. There is hardly anything in this world which is like that and not commercialized. And people are seeking, no,.. very much longing for this.

      Delete
  21. It's funny how a glass of wine can loosen the tongue and make us say the kinds of things we wouldn't be brave enough to do - it does me, anyway. I'm often quite a shy character but give me some wine and I can be the life and soul of the party ;)
    You're clearly a real inspiration and I wish I lived in the same country as you so I could come and receive some much needed style advice!
    Suzy x
    www.suzyturner.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Usually wine loosens my tongue and makes me say things I dreadfully regret later. Hahaha. I am shy as well - depending whom I'm with. You seem to hold your own in the style department! But it would be fun to hang out.
      Thanks, Suzy, for your comment.

      Delete
  22. Yee haw! I picture you as swanning about in one of your brilliant ensembles, dropping f-bombs here and there, leaving stunned people in your wake, agog at your wardrobe brilliance. I love that upcycled jacket (so jealous of it), your ginormous pants (they need to meet my culottes) and your chartreuse shirt. Faboo, all of it!

    Thank you for the shout-out/linky for the visit - you are always one of our highlights! Mwah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only F-bomb I drop among strangers is "Ffffabulous!" I keep the real F-bombs for near and dear friends. Heh.
      Your write-up was spectacular! I wish I had done a demented duckface and "pooping my pants" pose too. I didn't know you were having so much posing fun or I would have joined you. Next time, maybe in your hood.
      So great to see you! And L!

      Delete
  23. I am WALKING hyperbole, which is why my clothes and makeup are so plain because I would frighten nervous Americans into voting for The Donald, otherwise.

    You are all that and MORE. So much more. People should pay you just to talk to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please, please, please keep up with the undercover plainclothes. You're on a Mission.
      I looove your business idea of having people pay to talk to them. Hahaha!! I'd be a quillionaire. Then people would pay me to SHUT UP! I can't lose that way.
      Thanks for dropping by, Connie.

      Delete
  24. Oh no, I can't schmooze at all! I can barely come up with any idle banter when I'm standing behind my booth at a market. I'm impressed you even went, but I guess if there's free food and alcoholic beverages it's almost worth it. Almost.

    I'm glad you didn't pull out the tampon-loaded case, but then again it would have made for a great story! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least at your booth you have a booth between you and Them. I suppose I have napkin of food but it doesn't carry the same weight.
      Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
  25. hello mel! i pictured all the patches on the traveling yellow skirt:
    http://bahnwaerterhaeuschen.blogspot.de/2016/03/lots-of-fabulouse-women-more-from.html
    xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Beate -
      That's incredible! What a wonderful lineup of all the magnificent things women have added to the skirt along its journey. I must link it to the gallery, if you don't mind. Thank you for doing this!!

      Delete
  26. I can't do schmooze at all! I am so awkward it is untrue!!! I can tell boring anecdotes though that clutch at any slight straw offered when nervous!!! Wish I didn't get nervous!
    You are hideously successful and cool. That is all!!!
    x
    (hideously wasn't meant in a bad way, it just seemed a good adverb!!!)x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, Kezzie, you may not identify yourself as a schmoozer but you can command the attention of dozens if not hundreds of students, and you play and sing in front of huge audiences, even royalty! THAT would make me nervous. Heh.
      I should think of stories before I go to these things; they'd help in a pinch.
      Thanks for visiting, Kezzie.

      Delete
  27. mwahaha, you're a star of communication and I'm going to steal all your phrases when introducing myself when attending an event. Yes, it would sound way better than saying that I have a crappy funny blog about my own fashion ideas as a Plus sized 40+ Crazy Lady. Socially awkward as I am, I've met some really interesting people at posh events, so I don't give up!
    I'm loving your überfabulous palazzo pants, and your chartreuse blouse and big earrings, and you look absolutely stunning wearing your revamped tartan jacket: that's a magnificent creation, and you must be Proud of it!!
    besos & risas

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    1. I love how you introduce your blog! Hahaha. We'd freak people out if we introduced our blogs at the same time. Dork is the new cool. Yes, I did meet some very cool people too but it's hard. Thanks for the encouragement and compliment, especially on my jacket. I love it to bits.
      Love to see you always, Ms. Allnut!

      Delete
  28. You get better with every post. These photos are breathtaking. You don't need to schmooze. You have built it and "they" will come. Between your ensembles, your brilliant sense of humor and your writing, "the world is your oyster!"

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I keep diving into that slimy oyster pit and come up with no pearls and grit in my teeth. Actually, I think I scare people at functions.
      But thanks so much for your compliments, Judith. They mean a lot.

      Delete
  29. I always enjoy the comments on your posts as much as the downright bloody excellent posts themselves. Doubled over chortling twice here - first reading your tales and trials of the dreaded networking guff and fluff, second, reading Suzanne's comment: business cards on panty liners. Oh my, now that IS a purely genius idea.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rosalind, how do you do it? I know you have attended tons of fashion functions and schmooze-type events and awards shows. Do you drink a lot? Smack 'em with your smarts? Your outfits? All of the above. Anyway, I am glad you're getting this talent under your belt already. It will last a lifetime. Hurrah!
      Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
  30. The very word, 'networking' brings me out in a double dose of hives. Gah, people just can't be people any more - we all have to BE someone and someone preferably BIG and IMPORTANT. I used to work in events and it was a nightmare all that schmoozing. I just use to imagine everyone was naked. Helped. Only sometimes I'd end up chortling at totally the wrong moment as I imagine some stuffy bigwig I was talking to was in their all together!
    I shall enjoy reading your post and Sheila's about your gathering - so much more entertaining I can imagine than networking even if the buffets are good!

    http://petitesilvervixen.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Yes, I'd say I break out in a cold sweat but that would be untrue: it's frankly sticky and stinky and staining and horrific. Definitely not cold! I've tried the naked visioning but everyone looks so boring naked. Ah, but maybe that's the point! I'll try again. I love your suggestion.
      I love hearing from you here. Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  31. You took the thoughts right out of my mouth. Networking, meet and greets, etc. I'm not good at. It doesn't come naturally to me either and so glad to read your wonderful post. I love how you write - so refreshing and funny. And, I love both outfits, especially that green blouse - gorgeous!
    Make sure to link up with my Monday link up - SHOE AND TELL, not just for shoes. You always have such great shoes and outfits to go with them!

    Cherie
    http://www.stylenudge.com
    STYLE NUDGE

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    1. You always look so put together, I mean, really put together, in the best way, sophisticated with cool edge. So I'm surprised to hear that you are not good at the schmooze. Just goes to show you never know, right?
      I love your Shoe and Tell even if I can't promise to make it over. But thanks for the invitation and for dropping by.

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  32. People really have business cards? To promote their blogs? Who knew? Oh dear, the idea of a networking function makes me feel a bit ill... But the giant pants, both visions, are wonderful, so I feel instantly better!
    Good that you had the chance to meet up with Sheila again. Xxx

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    1. I know. Yes, cards for blogs. Lots of women use them. I rarely do, that's why mine are covered with crumbs and little bits I have to dust off before I go out. Then I usually forget to hand them out anyway. Pffft. You need cards, Curtise! Hahaha!! I'd be good at networking if I had something meaty to network about.
      Oh well. The blogger meetup was excellent. I'm glad you had a great time at your recent one too. Thanks for dropping by, Curtise. I know how busy you are!

      Delete
  33. I am still laughing at the thought of getting a tampon instead of your business card!! Only you can make light of this function networking stuff. I would be utter crap. What do I do? Whatever the hell I want!!!

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    1. The key is to hang around the food buffet without looking like you're doing it. Heh. My preferred stance is aloof, mysterious. Pfft. If I don't think about the networking part, there are interesting people around. But the card thing, hahaha!
      Thanks for visiting, Sue.

      Delete
  34. Oh my god I totally suck at networking or schmoozing or whatever! I'll be the one in the corner sipping the champers and creepily eyeing off everyone's shoes from afar. btw, have I said before how much I ADORE that tartan jacket of yours? your absolute piece de resistance. I think it's the most fabulous thing on the planet.

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    1. Hahaha! Well, Carolyn, you probably don't have to worry too much about schmoozing because you will have an AGENT or a REP of some kind who will do all that for you. You'll be the one seated behind the table with a new book, signing away furiously, or on the stage (!!) accepting an award. Hahaha! We never know.
      Thanks for your comment.

      Delete
  35. Firstly, the lighting in your new location is stunning. I loved these photos of you.

    Secondly, I have the same feeling about selling myself. It's slightly less difficult online than it is in person for me, but still awkward. And selling oneself is the difference between failure and success in a lot of modern endeavors.

    Thirdly, perhaps you should make tampon business cards. Then no one would forget you, and they would also have a useful and meaningful takeaway from the meeting!!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wow... I just love your blog! You take the ordinary day and make it into a not so ordinary evening when I read all your fun facts! I truly adore your pitch! What you style older people? Yeah, 40 use to be "older" but now I am there too.

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    1. Hey Cousin Becky! Well, I gave a man advice on changing his hair colour and glasses frames. I styled a fashion show with a couple of women 40+. I don't ACTIVELY promote myself as a stylist, they seem to be a dime a dozen here, so I just try to have fun with style myself and goof off with friends.
      Thanks, Cousin, for visiting. Wish I had more cookies!

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