Monday, 2 October 2017

How to crank up your existence

I was walking down the sidewalk this week and I found, like, a million gold coins just sitting there on the sidewalk. I couldn't believe it! I didn't pick them up because I thought the child behind me might enjoy the thrill more.

See what I did there? I incorporated POWER FACTS into that story.

In Reality, that dull plane of existence, I found a dime and left it for the kid. But why write REALITY FACTS when you can write POWER FACTS, not to be confused with ALTERNATIVE FACTSwhich are just reality in reverse - or power yoga, power walking or power lawnmowers. POWER FACTS are facts jacked-up.

For example:

  • POWER FACT: I am a neurological specialist on the verge of a Nobel Prize after 80 years working in the field. 
  • REALITY FACT: I think a lot, ever since I can remember, and my friend said I'm smart, which was a nice thing to say. And I have done lots of thinking in fields and the outdoors in general. 
The better option is a no-brainer.
New old neon coral coat with acid-lime green pants, which I bell-bottomed, and my repaired booties

My friends are all Nobel Prize-winners themselves - which means they are really cool. See? Again, POWER FACTS. In my comments about their outfits on social media I often write:

Fantastic! Love it! 
Awesome! Right on! 
Amazing! Amazeballs! 
Fabulous! So good!

These are REAL POWERFUL FACTS, but they tend to lose their power when they are repeated over and over. I can't help it if you are all Goddesses from Planet 9 (in a good way). It's like if you say the word mansion 20 times in a row it starts to sound like what? Like nothing, like a limp noodle or a marshmallow.

Wouldn't it be so much better, instead of leaving words I could just transport that little thrill I get when I see cool stuff by way of electrodes from my head into your head?

But no, they already have that, it's called drugs, minus the electrodes. My comment in this case would be: This outfit is so great I think you should take a little hit of that drug. No, no, don't do that!!, also because I wouldn't be able to guarantee a positive trip to my response. For example, if your drug is chocolate chip cookies, what good would my compliment be when you can't fit into that amazeballs outfit anymore?

So I guess I'll stick to REAL POWERFUL FACTS in my comments even if they start to read as gibberish.

What I think is happening is like Shepard tones, example below. This is when a sound keeps going up FOREVER. Don't listen to the whole thing, unless of course I've given you a big compliment and you're having a good trip. (?!!)

Every octave higher it goes, another exclamation point goes on. I guess I need to put a lid on it. I wonder if that's where the expression came from?

And while it's good that real facts, real news, keep me grounded, often in a very destabilizing way, I suspect it wouldn't hurt to add a few POWER FACTS, again, not ALTERNATIVE FACTS, just jacked-up facts to make it better.

Various examples:
"'You ripped my pants off,' passenger shouts" How about, "Pants annihilated in space shuttle"? Her pants were presumably destroyed by said ripping and she was in an aircraft (I read the article). Or "Shattered trademark threatens transport". In any case, "Woman needs lawyer stat!"
"Serena Williams's post-baby underwear selfie game is on point" No words.
"Police hit by flying butter knives in booby trapped home" See? This is already a POWER FACT. Someone is onto my Nobel-prize-winning concept. Or not...?
"Don't laugh: A $1,000 iPhone could be a great move for Apple" How about (LMAO) "Handing your retirement fund to Apple would be a great move for them"? 

Well, that's quite a load off my supercomputer genius friggin' mind.  I leave those words for you to determine: real fact, alternative fact, or power fact. Or, wait! It could be a factoid, which is a whole different creature, an important one that I don't have time to get into now. I've heard they eat noodles and marshmallows.

Emporio Armani suit with toolbox hand bag, dotted blouse, fat tie, and, critically-important fan

I hope you have fun with POWER FACTS this week. I had fun with POWER STYLE.

*Those headlines are all real, gleaned from the real news. These are generally known as unreal real facts. Given recent news, there is too much unreal real news. Time to clothe-up and spread the love around our neighbourhoods.

I'll link something up to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday and Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb for #iwillwearwhatilike. See you later, kittehs!


  1. Hmmm, I know what you're saying and I feel you my friend. I would LOVE to crank up my vocab and deliver stunning commentary in this little blurb otherwise known as the post-a-comment box, but often all I can come up with is something like "I love everything about your outfit! Both outfits actually! And what you just wrote too!" and it sounds terribly lame even though I truly mean it. What to do?
    On the other hand, that little video started playing by itself as I was reading your post, and it totally freaked out both me and the dog. I couldn't think where it was coming from!
    And finally, I think I need a fat tie in my life.

  2. I'm agog and somewhat confused by your facts, all of them. I only believe the things I can see with my own eyes, and they are all AMAZING. Also, I might push you to the ground and steal that coral neon coat. "Woman hijacked for clothes off her back!" I think I could write a book! I'll send you a signed copy, and dedicate it to you.

    1. You'll have to fight your way past me Sheila. The coat is mine.

  3. Power facts are AMAZING and FABULOUS! Unlike the Fake Facts we get from the prez every day. You look like ANNA WINTOUR is stalking you to STEAL your STYLE! Like a pile of gold coins might just appear at your repaired-bootie feet. Oh and I love your outfit, xox


  4. ooo, such a fine line between power, reality and alternative. Or is it super-charged, regular and leaded? And when to use what. Or what to use when. I'll have to practice. Remember with alternative was a good/cool thing? Like your ensembles, for instance. In fact, their all 3 - power, reality and alternative - aren't they? Now I'm really confused. You exist in all the realms.

  5. Mel, you are so smart and adorable! Also much less confusing than the world at large. (I sure don’t get it anyway.) I’d rather play with you all in our own world where we have all the clothes and fabric and yarn and fun! Yes.

  6. Every outfit you wear starts an atomic chain reaction of smile and admiration! You are the neon orange guiding light we all follow in our alternative reality. Great power style with Armani suit and (power)-tool box.

  7. That little touch of purple with the neon coral coat and chartreuse pants is a touch of genius. I absolutely love the Shepard tones and their visuals. I think the visuals would make an incredible fabric print. I'm still in love with your perfectly tied Windsor knotted tie. Men should take lessons from you! And as for lessons, we could all take a lesson from you in so many ways.

  8. Shepard Tones are new to me and super cool.
    For some reason this reminds me of the boy who cried wolf. It all gets so loud and hyped we stop listening.
    Maybe we should start describing what is going on in our bodies and minds...seeing your dress gave me a little chill, my mind was stilled and centred by your coat's waterfall collar, those colours together made my eyes pop. Any better? 😉 Love you Mel! Xo Jazzy Jack

  9. I'm all for boosting my descriptives every day!
    Hockey Jings!!!!!
    I could go on.
    I love the power facts of life.... more so in difficult times... and we all could do with boost from our friends.
    Fake facts are the hooks that draw us in, only to discover the reality is a bit "meh".
    More zest, gusto, exuberance and all things OTT for me please!!!
    Life is tough enough.
    Fake Fabulous | Style and fun with fashion, over 40

    1. Love how auto correct corrected Hokey to Hockey.
      It's hokey jings!
      As in "Jings Crivens, help ma boab!!"
      Translation: My goodness me!! (ish)

  10. I'm loving that zing of coral and lime together and those sports socks are ace! The workings of your brain are a wonder to behold Melanie - brilliant, funny and always novel.
    Anna x

  11. Yoooooooooo, I'm concerned with power facts---but, u do u!!!! I'm just glad my computer is dried out and I can comment at all-----how about I also have some pants for you that I will have transported to u sooooooooooon. I'm slowwwwwwwwwwwww.

  12. Visiting your blog today was a cross between Pee Wee Herman's PlayHouse and Rod Serling's Twilight Zone, two place I love. Looking at acid green pants while listening to Shepard Tones was a hoooooooot.

  13. Right... I get your drift. I often feel the same. Trying to find similar words for what I have been saying in every comment. But that is because I do follow awesome women and I do mean it. I am afraid I will sound boring, like a broken record or that the awesome blogger won't believe me anymore ("I bet you say that to all the girls"). English not being my native language makes it even harder.
    Anyway... fact fact is that I LOVE your second outfit. I really do. Reality.

  14. I love this neon punctuated ensemble. Yes we are definitely living in a world filled with alternative facts. I know because I live in such close proximity to Trump Tower. But facts here do not come to me via osmosis. Anyway thank you for being you and staying authentic.
    Kisses, Elle

  15. I love it when you mess with our minds...= factish
    You are the cutest, most charming, creatively inspirational, Melanie I know = defacto
    I want to be in your tribe forever= faction
    When you are wezring something totally fabulous but no body else thinks so and you don't give one damn hoot= factionista flip off
    Love you Mel. Ok I'm done now. Jude

  16. Thank you for this very fine farcical fable about facts! I had no idea that sound that just kept going higher and higher was called a Shepherd Tone. I always learn new and fun things from your posts ;) I wish that instead of having to come up with yet another amazing adjective to describe an outfit posted by another blogger, we could just psychically send them a jolt of joy.

    Love that photo of you in your polka dot shirt and Armani trousers.


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